What Ted Lasso Taught Me About Receiving Feedback
Updated: Aug 17
I am an enthusiastic member of the Ted Lasso fan club, and have been counting down the days until the release of the show’s new season on August 5th (woo hoo!). In anticipation, I wanted to write a Ted-Lasso-Themed newsletter–partly to justify all of the hours I’ve spent re-watching every single episode this summer (for, at least, the third time).
It is hard to put into words how the show impacts me. It’s my go-to pick-me-up when life feels overwhelming, and I need a dose of laughter, and to reconnect with human goodness, possibility, and hope. Something about it touches my heart so much that watching it often leaves me in a puddle of tears (the very best, mushy, open-hearted kind). The messages woven throughout the show serve as a reminder of joy, curiosity, kindness, belonging, and the magical power of connection. These mirror my own core values, and also what we are working toward creating with CoJourn.
This time, re-watching all three seasons, I noticed the lessons I have learned from Ted Lasso about receiving feedback.
As someone who has taught classes to undergraduates and graduates, and led professional workshops for over 20 years, I have received a lot of feedback. Usually it is quite positive, but still, after all this time, I struggle whenever I receive it.
Collecting anonymous feedback makes me feel nervous, and I have a pit in my stomach every time I receive it. I tend to take it way too personally, in an all-or-nothing way, connecting it with my worth. It can bring up hard feelings of shame and not-enoughness.
And the negativity bias makes it even worse! (Research shows we remember negative comments far more vividly than positive ones). Any negative comments tend to be seared in my memory forever.
For example, over a decade ago I co-led a workshop at a local college. I can’t remember the topic (something related to dialogue across difference), I vaguely remember the audience (student leaders), and I know that overall the workshop was very well received.
What can I remember, word for word?
One of the comments on our feedback cards:
“Molly is completely unbearable to listen to. She is way too loud and she spits when she talks on the microphone.”
YIKES.
I did learn from that experience, and am much better at using a mic now, but I experienced a boatload of shame along with that comment.
Taking in feedback can be rough. Luckily, good ol’ Ted Lasso has been a powerful teacher for me, and has helped shift my perspective on feedback, and the way I receive it.
Here are a few of the lessons I’ve learned:
1. Ask for Feedback Early (and Often)!
In the second episode of Season 1, Ted brings a suggestion box into the locker room and passes it around for the players to give input on anything that could be improved in their experience. Specifically Ted says, “If anything’s got y’all hot and bothered, just go ahead and give us a note.”
We all need feedback to learn and improve, and unearthing it early is important because it helps catch issues before they grow into major problems, and helps people have a say in the process.
Pro-Tip - According to organizational psychologist Adam Grant, it is better to ask for advice, rather than feedback to increase your chances of getting helpful, forward-focused suggestions.
2. View Feedback as a Gift
In the same episode, Ted and Coach Beard sit down together to look through the suggestion box. It is clear that they are excited, and delighted, to get this inside perspective from the players – rubbing their hands together with glee, like they’re about to dive into a chocolate cake.
Although it can bring up defensiveness, or feel scary, receiving feedback really is a gift that helps us grow. Holding this orientation makes a difference in how you process it, shifting your mental model from one of threat to one of openness.
3. Be Discerning about what Feedback You Take in
When Ted and Beard start going through the feedback box, most of the notes just say, “Wanker.” “Wanker.” “Piss off, wanker.” One even says “I hope you choke on a Big Mac.” They look at each other and shrug. Finally they reach one that says, “Shower pressure is rubbish,” and Ted says, “This is a good one, make a note of that one.”
This taught me that it is important to ignore, or shrug off, feedback that is not constructive or simply name-calling. I was struck by how Ted could just stay relaxed and keep moving on until he found something that he could actually do something about.
On her podcast episode about surviving criticism, Glennon Doyle calls this strategy "sorting the mail"—identifying the difference between helpful feedback and junk mail. That metaphor has been key for me. I don't have to take every single piece of feedback to heart, it’s just one person’s experience for me to consider.
This lesson also reminds me of an additional insight that Brené Brown (one of the key influencers of both CoJourn and the show Ted Lasso) writes in her book Daring Greatly. She suggests that we should prioritize feedback from people who have earned the right to give it—people who know us, care about us, and want us to be better. That perspective has helped me become much more discerning about which feedback deserves my attention.
4. Have a Buddy with you
It also strikes me that Ted and Coach Beard are sitting together as they review the feedback. Hard information is easier to process when we have a caring friend (or CoJourn partner!) sitting with us. It helps regulate our nervous systems, and prevents a fight-or-flight response. The presence of another can also stop catastrophic thinking, reminding us that a piece of feedback is not a total rejection of our worth. It can also help us discern actionable steps for growth.
5. Take Accountability and Actually Follow Through
It can feel really satisfying when you give someone feedback and they actually take action on it. In the same episode, the last scene shows Roy Kent standing in the shower with the water pouring down, happy as can be. It made a real difference to him, and to the other players, that Ted Lasso took seriously the comment about the lousy water pressure. Ted took the time to check it out for himself, and got it fixed right away.
Though it can be hard to swallow, once we sort through feedback with a loving friend, it IS important that we try to follow through on the pieces we determine are necessary.
Almost more important than any of these individual tips is the overall container of trust and care that can make people feel like they can give and receive feedback.
As adrienne maree brown says, “Change moves at the speed of trust.”
This is certainly true in Ted Lasso. As he and Coach Beard transform the team into a place of caring and belonging, you can easily see how trust continues to grow among the players and coaches. It makes moments of genuine vulnerability and the sharing of feedback possible.
I am grateful for these lessons from Ted. Combined with practicing my favorite CoJourn Core Component—self-compassion—they have helped me become much more resilient. I still don’t love receiving feedback, but I don’t fall apart the way I used to.
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